'Tis The Season For Stalkers Christmas Songs About Celebrities

I won't pretend to be able to justify the existence of this list outside the claustrophobic world of record collecting. Christmas records about famous people are long a thing of the past (the latest example I've listed is from 1979), and only two artists - Elvis Presley and The Beatles - were ever the object of appreciable numbers of these weird platters. And, while it's easy to picture teenage fans listening to these records and dreaming Christmas dreams (or fantasizing masturbatory fantasies), the question as to whether that constituted unhealthy obsession or healthy displacement is open to debate. You be the judge, but I maintain that these records tell us as much about the nascent rock 'n' roll record industry as they did about teenaged America.

Most early rock stars were just like other recording artists - fame hungry hopefuls willing to do most anything for a shot at the spotlight. For every Elvis, Little Richard, and Jerry Lee, we were subjected to dozens of half-rate, dim-witted greaseballs ready and able to sing calculated tripe fed to them by the recording industry establishment - a cynical bunch of old men desperately trying to figure out this crazy new beat. To them, it followed that if kids loved Elvis, they'd love Christmas paeans to Elvis, too.

Lucky for us, they were - for the most part - wrong. None of these records were big hits, so there are relatively few of them. Of course, it didn't help matters that most of them are irredeemably bad - though charmingly so. As inferred above, these songs weren't so much teenage fantasies as old men's conceptions of teenage fantasies - the same phenomenon that spawned many of Elvis' horrible movies, not to mention the Monkees and the Knack, each of which, admittedly, hold certain pleasures.

(Fair to note that I don't actually own most of these records. They are rarely collected on various artist discs, and I've been unwilling to pay the absorbent amounts the original 45's usually fetch. Hence, I have not indulged below in extensive annotation.)

Anyway, kids these days seem way too sophisticated to be taken in by this sort of obvious exploitation - imagine "Christmas Party With Linkin Park" or "Santa, Leave Eminem Under My Tree." So, though relegated to the past and largely forgotten, it's fun to listen to these "stalker" records and imagine a Christmas when any of us - starry-eyed adolescents or conniving entertainment executives - could have ever been so innocent. Know of a good Christmas record to stalk by? Drop me a line...

Randy Anthony

Elvis Presley

1. I Want To Spend Christmas With Elvis by Debbie Dabney (Savoy, 1956)
   Originally released on Regent Records under the name Marlena Paul (make no mistake - it's the exact same recording) before being reissued on Savoy under name Debbie Dabney. The song was written by Don Kirshner and Bobby Darin and features Kenny Burrell (!) on guitar (see Christmas Blues). Covered the same year by Little "Lambsie" Penn for Atco.
2. I Want Elvis For Christmas by the Holly Twins (Liberty, 1956)
   Another Bobby Darin composition. Features Eddie Cochran both playing guitar and impersonating Elvis (see Legends of Christmas Past).
3. Elvis For Christmas by Mad Milo (Million, 1957)
   A break-in record similar to Buchanan & Goodman's "Santa & The Satellite."
4. Goodbye Bing, Elvis & Guy by Diana Williams (Little Gem, 1977)
   In a letter to Santa, this singer laments the King's recent passing, as well as that of Bing Crosby and Guy Lombardo.
5. Merry Christmas, Elvis by Michele Cody (Safari, 1978)
6. Merry Christmas From Lisa Marie by Jana Sampson (Rock-It, 1979)
   

The Beatles

1. All I Want For Christmas Is A Beatle by Dora Bryan (Fontana, 1963)
   Note that this record (by the heavily English-accented Ms. Bryan) was released before the Beatles hit it big in America.
2. Bring Me A Beatle for Christmas by Cindy Rella (Drum Boy, 1964)
3. I Want A Beatle For Christmas by The Fans (Dot, 1964)
   This is one of four records of this title released during the banner year of Beatlemania. The records are probably different versions of the same song - but I've only heard the Fans' version, so I can't say for sure. Readers? FYI, the other versions are by Becky Lee Beck (Challenge), Jackie & Jill (USA), and Patty Surbey & the Canadian VIP's (Aragon).
4. Santa Bring Me Ringo by Christine Hunter (Roulette, 1964)
5. Ringo Bells by Three Blonde Mice (Atco, 1964)
6. Christmas With The Beatles by Judy & The Duets (Ware, 1964)

Special Bonus Obsession: Eddie Fisher

Not even sure if this counts. On "I Want Eddie Fisher For Christmas" (RCA, 1954), musical raconteur Spike Jones was hardly preoccupied with the pre-rock teen idol. He was, in fact, making fun of the mind set (first seen with fans of Frank Sinatra and Johnny Ray) that would soon lead to the sort of buffoonery listed above. But, it's about a celebrity, so there you go! Also recorded - probably without irony - by Betty Johnson for New Disc Records the same year.

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